Why Is This Getting Harder?

Perhaps it’s a dumb question to ask. Nothing in life is easy, and to think that blogging is always easy would be an extremely naive assumption.

However, lately, every week it seems to get harder and harder. I sit down at my computer and my mind fails me. My fingers sit idle on my keyboard until, as if they have a mind of their own, they find their way to the track pad and they’re clicking on Facebook. They get lost in links to this article and that article, my eyes following them like a hawk. All of the sudden my brain is so overloaded with information and other people’s opinions that I can’t seem to find my own in it all. All of the sudden, writing a little blog post about the big Nothing that is going on in my life seems silly.

It’s like I’ve lost all respect for myself.

Today, the same thing happened all over again. Except this time, before I could lose myself in a sea of self-loathing-induced writer’s block, I decided to jump on the treadmill before I could talk myself out of it.

Rather than looking at this bold choice as the start to a brand new lifestyle, I’m giving myself a break and not thinking too much about it. I simply got on the treadmill, put in my headphones and started walking uphill. It wasn’t a “I can’t think of anything to blog about, so I’m going go for a walk to actively combat my writer’s block” kind of thing. It was more of a “fuck this, just go for a walk you dumbass” king of thing. (I often refer to myself as a dumbass inside my own head. It keeps me humble.)

New opportunities don’t just appear out of no where. You have to change your routine if you want to get to someplace new.

And here’s why I’m proud of myself for taking a walk today: It was a choice I made for myself, not through some bigger plan that I keep thinking I need to have to be healthier and happier. It was a choice I made to clear my own head. I was happier afterward simply because I finally knew what to write about today.

Perhaps my next post will be just as difficult to write; but sharing what happens in my life first and foremost involves me actively living it.

Today I learned a valuable lesson: Sometimes, 30 minutes of happiness = walking a mile on the treadmill while watching Diners, Driv-ins and Dives and drowning out Guy Fieri’s voice with some choice music.

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