Random Thoughts That Seem to Be Constantly on My Mind Like 24/7 These Days and I Hate It

1. I really hate it when my friends don’t respond and I also hate to admit how much I hate it because I am virtually unreachable myself. It’s happened twice now this week that I texted some friends and received no response. Not even a wimpy day-later text saying “sorry I was busy.” And I shouldn’t even be mad because they were just texts saying “you should watch this *insert stupid video here*” and it didn’t even really warrant an immediate response. But when I get no response I get in my own head and immediately think the two worst things that you can ever think about your friends: (1) They’re dead. Or worse: (2) They hate me.

But don’t worry, I will completely forget about how mad it made me by tomorrow. Which is what I keep reminding myself.

 

2. Being bored can be so beneficial, but also lethal. Lately I’ve had too much free time on my hands and I don’t know if it’s because of the teen fantasy novel I’ve been reading, or the really fantastic music I’ve been listening to lately but every time I slow down for one second I’m filled with this great longing. And I don’t even really know what for exactly, which is the most frustrating part. I used to get like this when I was at home for break from school, left bored with nothing to do all of the sudden. Except now it’s this constancy. And I’m thinking, please please don’t let this last for the rest of my life.

 

3. I may chalk up a lot of my solitude to being introverted, but maybe it’s the longing I’ve been feeling or the fact that my friends all seem to be busier than I am, but I’ve decided that being alone all the time is bullshit. It’s lonely. And I miss people. And I want to go out and make more memories instead of just remembering the ones I’ve already made. Like when me and my friends were sitting by the lake drinking wine the other night and we watched a crazy thunderstorm roll in as we talked about being lost and not knowing what’s next. And in the moment I didn’t know I was making this wonderful memory, but in the week following it was all I could think about and I longed for the next time we could talk again. Because my friends are really cool people and I’m obsessed with them more than I am capable of admitting to their faces. How sad is that?

 

Mostly this post is crap and full of run-on sentences but maybe that’s ok because it matches my thoughts and my life and how I feel so I don’t even care.


Photo from Gratisography

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